Hello dear blog readers!
The last blog post was 1 1/2 months ago and the summer comes to it's end - although it's still hot in NYC. Since I asked you to pray for us and our current living situation several things have happened:
We talked to our landlord and put all the cards on the table and asked if he'd go down with the rent. And he said YES! :-) I think I still don't completely get how special this is that our landlord is not just not raising the rent, but going down with it! It's a gigantic blessing that he likes us and wants to keep us as tenants. Thank you all for your prayers and also for asking how we are doing! We really appreciate this!
In those past weeks I listened to myself and realized that I don't want to move again. I just can't, because I am not having the strength for a move and to start from scratch in a different place. I'd rather pour my energy into my business and see how it grows and that one day - hopefully in the nearer future - I can help paying the bills with it. The thought of staying in this neighborhood and growing into it more and more is a good one. A thought that creates peace in me and I just know deep inside my gut that it's the right thing to do. So to answer the question that the Clash puts out "Should I stay or should I go" is: We should stay!
I feel that my stress- and exhaustion level is going down slowly. I see that it's quite a way to go until I am where I want to be (energy, strengh and health wise), but I see the difference when I look back and I am grateful for that small new window of strength and creativity.
Daniel and I were thinking and talking a lot about why we think we have to save money so badly. Of course you need to save money if you'd like to buy special things - like having a car one day or maybe even a house. But for me personally the fear of the future was the biggest part. What happens if we can't work anymore? From what are we going to live? That's a normal thought and as a very security-loving person I think it's a must to think about. But I think it had a too strong grip around me and I couldn't see clear anymore. I didn't see that God is way bigger than all my fears and that he is in control - even if we can't save very much. I realised that me saying "God, I trust you." isn't actually what I live, it's just words. I understand that there is a way where I trust God, but where I also live responsible with the money we have, but what's the fine line? Well, I stopped trying to find an answer. When the worries come - and they're comin' - I go right away to God and listen to what he has to say. I think that's the way I am walking right now. Living and doing what I can and talking to God all the time and figure out where to go together with him. That goes with the money and security topic as well as with my business. I am not at all perfect in this - it's a gigantic learning process, but a good one.
This might be one of the reasons why God has called me (and Daniel) to come back to the US. Compared to Germany this country is so insecure and scary. In Germany every person can feel way more protected and secure and in the US it's not like that at all - at least not for people that are from spoiled Germany like me. So friends and family, it is good for us to be here in the States now. We can learn to trust God in a new level - the level that's good for us right now. We weren't able t learn that in Germany.
As Christians we want to be more like Jesus. He is our big role model and he had the perfect level of trust in God. I think that God pulls us closer to him through our time in New York and all the challenges this life brings.
I wish you all a very good week and that you can take the trust steps that you must do right now. Whatever season you are in. If it's a "Germany"-season or a "US"-season (or what ever country or situation you are in right now).
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